January 2012
12 posts
16 tags
I Will Go To Bat For California
Remember? I’m running for US Senate. Did you know there’s a US Senate softball league? There is. I called Sen. Feinstein’s office yesterday and her receptionist, Laura, told me that Sen. Feinstein does not play for her own team nor, would you believe, does she even show up for games. I guess that should not be too much of a surprise because Sen. Feinstein does not go to bat for...
16 tags
Sun Storm, Fun Storm
As you may or may not know, the sun shot out some sun stuff during a big sun storm the other day. As you may or may not know, I dropped out of my one Astronomy class like super fast so I can’t explain the details nor do I care to understand them. I just like to look at the space things, especially the Northern Lights (ie sky magic). This week’s sun stuff makes more better the Northern...
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Where Dianne And I Stand On SOPA
Remember? I’m running for US Senate. I have to bore you for a moment with election jazz. It’s important. Why? Because I need to explain that my turkey-faced opponent, Dianne Feinstein, is old, in the way, and definitely on the wrong side of a very important bill.
You cannot look up SOPA on Wikipedia right now because Wikipedia shut down for the day to protest SOPA so I will explain...
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Google Safaris
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I’m looking into health insurance options and I decided to borrow a strategy I see in all the applications. Now, I can screw you over just like the pros and none of you can ever sue me, ever. Binding Arbitration Clause! I can do whatever I want whenever I want and this serves as my public notice. It’s all legit now, you poor bastards.
...
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Shipwreck Film Fans
From the NY Times Costa Concordia story:
“Anxious survivors, many comparing the experience to the movie “Titanic,” recounted a chaotic and terrifying scene in which some crawled through hallways to escape down perilous ladders to lifeboats, while others leapt overboard into the wintry Tyrrhenian Sea.”
I think I would probably compare the experience to Titanic (the ship) before...
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Mascots
Today, I learned that there is an arena football team in Omaha called the Omaha Beef. Here is their mascot, Sir Loin. If Sir Loin’s name doesn’t suggest his upcoming demise strongly enough, the sponsor’s wall ad does.
27 tags
Ultimate Nintendo Tribute: Abobo's Big Adventure
Abobo’s coming. This Wednesday, ABOBO! And it’s free.
If you love old school Nintendo, do yourself a favor and free up some time on Wednesday to check out Abobo’s Big Adventure. This is where I will steal words from it’s creator, I-Mockery’s Roger Barr. Abobo’s Big Adventure is “the *ultimate* tribute to the Nintendo Entertainment System. This is the ...
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USA #1
As if we needed further proof, here is American Tim Howard showing the world. Even as a goalkeeper, he still scores on the foreigners… in their own sport.
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Birds
LOS ANGELES, Jan. 4, 2012 — According to the National Audubon Society, the largest bird, at about 230 lbs, is Struthio camelus, the ostrich, but ostriches can’t fly.
Ostrich
The National Zoo claims our largest bird capable of flight is the Kori Bustard. Kori Bustards weigh in at about 30 lbs but/so they prefer to roam the grounds of eastern Africa or southern Africa. Also, that seems way...
8 tags
Fire Cupping
I’ve had this done on my arm twice in the past week. I’m not sure how I feel about it.
December 2011
2 posts
13 tags
This Is A Parade
Forgive me. I know I’m late on this. I don’t watch North Korean state funerals. Anyhow, I just saw Kim Jong-il’s kickass 1976 Lincoln and wow, pretty cool. I must buy a Me-Portrait converted Lincoln Town Car limo. Triple kickass!
9 tags
Enough with Protester, Time Magazine and I just named the Adagio Variable-Temperature Electric Kettle as my PURCHASE OF THE YEAR. It’s been fantastic. See that dial? Variable temperatures!
November 2011
3 posts
9 tags
All These People Support Kid Rape?
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Advice On Getting Me To Believe You
#1. Don’t hire Gloria Allred.
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Mythbusting #017
Fact: Barry Manilow did not write “I Write The Songs”.
October 2011
9 posts
10 tags
I Am Better Than Your Kids in stores now
Halloween is the official start of Christmas season, right? Don’t know what to buy for your loved ones? You buy them this lovely book. 46% off right now. A steal!
15 tags
I'm Not Joking
(Only a picture I found online/not my friend Clint’s American flag lapel pin)
I’ve had at least 4 people assume that my run for US Senate is a joke. It’s not. I’m really running. My friend Clint even offered me his American flag lapel pin. Clint is also from Washington. Are we clear now?
Remember, I am accepting endorsements through November 2012 but get yours in as soon...
13 tags
Now Available On Your iPad
I’ve got some great news. I’m now available on your iPad. Just open a browser and type in www.briancooperman.com or maybe just briancooperman.com. I don’t know. I don’t use macs but that should work.
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And How Was Your Weekend?
This is how I spent mine. We ate pizza too.
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First Endorsement
I just announced my bid for US Senate and, minutes later, I see this. Thanks, former Oakland Raider (and Berkeley alum) Nnamdi Asomugha. Who’s next?
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Six More Years!
Hi, remember when I said I might run for US Senate? I’m doing it! Right, you think I’m kidding but I’m not. I fulfilled all the FEC requirements and I am an official candidate for US Senate, representing the great state of California.
Only two hurdles remain. First, I have to get my name on the actual ballot. I’m working on it. I learned a hard lesson during my...
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Halloween Costume Idea #1
Leaves are falling, October is here. You’ve got a little over two weeks to figure out your Halloween costume. Don’t wait until the last minute or you’ll end up like my friend who, a couple years ago, grabbed the grill from his oscillating fan on the way out the door and claimed to be an oscillating fan. Yeah, that really happened.
But what???? Oh my god, we’re running...
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Pre-Order Today
http://www.iambetterthanyourkids.com/ Available November 1 at all relevant book stores
Maddox, one of my favorite people in the world, finally wrote this long overdue book. I Am Better Than Your Kids is available for pre-order at Amazon for like 38% off. Treat yourself right and buy one today. Purchase 250 copies or more and I’ll get you some badass stickers and a bottle of hot sauce....
3 tags
ASSHOLE
September 2011
9 posts
22 tags
If You Ever Want To Buy Me A Cake...
I was at a bakery today and they had a cake book thing opened to a shark cake so I thought to myself, “Great idea! I bet someone’s made a good one though.” I was right.
created by David Geaney, The Cake Engineer
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Così Ti Amo
I haven’t posted any 60’s European pop covers in a while so, here, from 1968, Florence, Italy’s own… I Califfi performing the Bee Gees’ “To Love Somebody” in Italian.
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Bahlsen Biscuits
Does anyone know Werner Bahlsen, from Germany? I want to be the celebrity spokesman for his cookie company. They are delicious cookies.
If you’re going to suggest that I contact him through the Bahlsen website, I already did that today. Looking for more direct approaches. Thanks.
——————————
UPDATE:
I just ate two more. Das...
30 tags
Terror Alert!
Uh-oh! Hide in your house and crap your pants. Al-Qaeda’s planning this bad thing. Al-Qaeda’s planning that bad thing. Lifted from CNN just now:
Does everything have to be so negative? I’m tired of scare tactics and, just once, I’d like to see something like this. You don’t know. It could happen.
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I actually like football but...
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Oh? It was hot yesterday? Sorry, didn’t notice. My office has air conditioning.
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On Saturday, some Filipino villagers caught this 21-FOOT CROCODILE along a creek in Bunawan township in Agusan del Sur province. I don’t have a joke here. That’s just huge.
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Labor Day Message
It’s Labor Day weekend and millions of you will hit the road for one last blast of summer. Now’s the time to bring up an important message I have for America. Please help me spread the word.
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WESTSIDE!
(i think that’s the first time i’ve ever said that)
August 2011
11 posts
21 tags
Hurricane Irene Fashion Tip #7
Gentlemen, Hurricane Irene is on the way and we say make the best of it! 3sixteen’s leather Double Wrap Bracelet in Tan is sure to age beautifully, getting darker over time but who has the time? Fashionable men in the know will seize advantage now. Heavy winds and rains speed up the process like it’s their jobs. Leapfrog your friends as you wear this fantastic bit of man jewelry on...
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Hurricane Irene Fashion Tip #6
Boogedy boogedy boo, Hurricane Irene is coming for you! As the East River swells, the modern man of style laughs death in the EYE and he looks good doing it. Go for the gloom with an Alexander McQueen Black Skull Keychain (made in Italy). Remember all the looting after Katrina? Well, one thing’s for sure. We’ll be locking the doors to our live/work space on Grand St. Oh, and one...
26 tags
Hurricane Irene Fashion Tip #5
A major hurricane strike means a lack of everyday goods and services. Limited food and water leads to rapid weight loss. No fear here! The ETRO Woven Leather Belt will hold up your now-looser fitting Thom Brown trousers as you hunt for the latest vintage Fleetwood Mac vinyl at Permanent Records. It’s eclectic, it’s rugged, it’s all good in our book. Even a teeny, tiny splash of color. Classic...
21 tags
Hurricane Irene Fashion Tip #4
When Hurricane Irene rumbles through your city, it’s the basic things that really matter. Stormwear accessories need to be simple, clean, and elegant like Vaja’s iVolution Top SP. While you shoot live footage at MHOW for a documentary on your friend’s band, this hand-sewn, Argentinian leather case protects your iPad 2 from the rising waters AND makes life a little more...
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Hurricane Irene Fashion Tip #3
Hurricane Irene separates the men from the boys, as you will see in stormwear accessory choices throughout the city. Hurricanes = Rain. Rain = Clouds. Clouds = Darkness? Ha, never you heed all that. Rain or shine (rain in this case!), the stylish man of today will exude his manliness with Pop Lunette sunglasses by Maison Martin Margiela. Sure, they’re made for women but it’s the...
19 tags
Hurricane Irene Fashion Tip #2
Hurricane Irene this way comes. Time to show off your latest stormwear accessories. First, you’re going to need a satchel to carry all your survival supplies. I can’t wait to lug around fresh water, AA batteries, and some American Spirits in my new Filson Leather Field Satchel as I strut down North 6th Street. Style! $1195.00 at Hollander & Lexer.
Filson Leather Field Satchel ...
17 tags
Hurricane Irene Fashion Tip #1
Look out, East Coast. Hurricane Irene is on her way. What a great opportunity for the fashionable man to show off his stylish stormwear. Rain? Flooding? 100mph winds? Nothing’s going to stop you from your brunch appointment at Dressler when you have an umbrella like this one made from Long Malacca wood by Swaine Adeney Brigg. The detachable handle reveals a drinking flask with rubber...
19 tags
LYNCHBURG, VA — Earlier today, Jerry Falwell’s Grave explained Hurricane Irene and this week’s completely-out-of-place east coast earthquake as God’s way of stopping the Martin Luther King Jr Memorial dedication ceremony. Jerry Falwell’s Grave went on to say, “And it worked, for now.” Officials have postponed the dedication ceremony until later in the year.
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Marathon County Sheriff's Department Needs Your...
Do you know this man? He robbed the Wendy’s in Rib Mountain last Monday and the Marathon County Sheriff’s Department needs your help to identify him. The suspect is stocky and stands approximately 5’10”. If you have any leads, please call 715-261-1200.
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No, I didn’t make it up.
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Christmas In August
Thanks to my friend George, I learned something I should have learned 2 years ago… that this exists. I want to share it with the world. Merry Christmas, everybody.
X-Mas Allstars - Last Christmas 2010 [Ft. Fab] [Solid Sleep Trance Mix]
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Mono Lake, just east of Yosemite, has no outlet to the sea. Its saline waters create calcium carbonate formations called tufa and that’s how Mono Lake is able to give you the finger.
July 2011
6 posts
10 tags
In Case You Were Wondering
This is the picture I use to pick up ladies online. It totally works.
9 tags
BIKES BEAT JET
Cyclists Beat JetBlue Flight in “Carmageddon” Race
“The ride was beautiful and scenic, our race inspired people to rollerskate, to take trains, to walk to the finish. Meanwhile our politicians and police cowered and bit their nails, telling people to stay home and avoid this sunny California weekend.”
- Wolfpack Hustle
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Carmageddon Hits Los Angeles!